


Bird

by nomsie500



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Finding Peace, Gen, Self-Reflection, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 11:32:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomsie500/pseuds/nomsie500
Summary: Patton has been reflecting a lot on himself and his role in Thomas's life, and the conclusions he's come to would surprise most of the people who knew him.





	Bird

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to mention that Patton is going to seem pretty OOC and that he's basically free associating. I also want to promise that he is not suicidal, just more evolved. That's the best word I can think to describe it. The song referenced here is Bird by Billie Marten. It's a great song, I left a link to it if you want to listen to it. Anyway, enjoy!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roFV6eoG3ao

_She’s underwater again_

Patton sighed and put down the book he was reading. He felt so lost recently and he wasn’t sure why. Thomas’s life was going smoothly right now, he was in a happy place. Why didn’t Patton reflect that happiness?

_Somebody’s daughter, a friend_

Patton supposed it could be because Thomas was traveling a lot right now, so he was seeing his friends and family on a less frequent basis than before he received this opportunity. Patton thought about that but shook his head. That wasn’t why he was feeling this way right now.

_In the night in the dark in the cold_   
_As she walks far away_

Maybe it was because of the massive life change this opportunity brought? Patton considered this and acknowledged that this was a large part of the problem, but not the entire picture.

_Nobody’s watching_

Patton then thought about the activities he had been engaging in lately when he was by himself. He had been reading a lot more lately and listening to music with a sad vein. He was more subdued and calm when left to his own devices, and he usually didn’t want to do anything.

_Drowning in words so sweet_

Absorbing other people’s words had been extremely comforting lately. Patton felt more at ease when he interacted with other people’s thoughts and feelings. They soothed him in a way that didn’t make much sense to him, but he didn’t mind that.

_Mild is the water_   
_Caught as a bird once free_

Patton had been working on toning himself down lately. He wanted to be able to better perceive what he was feeling, and in order to do that he had to rein in the sunny disposition.

_I don’t mind_

Patton supposed that this was why he was drawn to sadder songs lately. He was more in tune with when he was sad and therefore appreciated the sad music more than he usually would.

_Hope is a distance unreached_

Patton was still the same old Patton he always had been, but he was starting to truly acknowledge his complexities as Morality and the physical manifestation of Thomas’s emotions. He used to not want to be complex, but as Thomas learned to accept more parts of himself, Patton was learning to do the same.

_Ink on her skin incomplete_

Patton put on some music and went to sit at the desk that was situated in his room. He pulled out a pen and began to doodle on his arm as he thought about the lyrics of the song he was listening to. He smiled as he relished in the melancholy tone of the song. It matched the melancholy he currently felt.

_And the faint sound of friends_   
_As she neared to the end she had peace_

As Patton learned to accept that how he felt right now tended to be his neutral, he began to feel more comfortable than he had in a long time. He was able to help the others in a way that he hadn’t been able to before, and that was a major boost in his self-esteem and his ability to accept himself.

_Nobody’s watching_   
_Drowning in words so sweet_   
_Mild is the water_   
_Caught as a bird once free_

Patton had started to think about the end of Thomas’s life a lot more lately. He didn’t know why, for Thomas was still quite young in the grand scheme of things. Patton just felt that he himself was a lot older than he was, and he was beginning to understand why death wasn’t scary to someone who was at an age where death was common.

_I don’t mind_

Patton knew that he would great death like an old friend. If he didn’t, who would? The others would want Thomas to live a longer life no matter how old he got, but Patton knew that the time would be right when they all had to leave.

_I don’t mind_

If you asked why Patton was thinking about death so much lately, he would probably shrug brush it off. Truthfully, it was because Patton had found peace with what Thomas was doing and was accepting of whatever would come next. He knew death could be that whatever, so he found a way to be okay with that.

_Where does her start go from here_

He knew the others would be worried if they found out his position on death, and that was why Patton continued to tap into Thomas’s acting skills. He knew his new found melancholy and general acceptance of the future would frighten the others, so he figured that he should continue to be as he always was and change gradually. He couldn’t do that to his friends, especially not Virgil.

_Lost in the grip_

Patton closed his eyes and let the music wash over him. He was so glad he had found inner peace. His life would still be a mess if he hadn’t.

_Nobody’s watching_   
_Drowning in words so sweet_   
_Mild is the water_   
_Caught as a bird once free_

Patton used to have to constantly channel happiness in order to not feel off balance. His happiness came from the happiness that Thomas felt, and he had a hard time conjuring it when Thomas wasn’t feeling it. It had been exhausting. He was so glad he could relax in a way he had never let himself in the past.

_Nobody’s watching_   
_Drowning in words so sweet_   
_Mild is the water_   
_Caught as a bird once free_

Patton’s thoughts finally circled back to what he was originally thinking about when he put his book down. He thought about the lost feeling and the second piece of the puzzle that he couldn’t quite determine. He figured that the reason he felt lost was all these realizations and peace making had happen very recently and very quickly, so he still wasn’t used to all the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs he currently held.

_I don’t mind_

It all came down to change, some expected, some unexpected. Patton generally reacted well to change, but at the end of the day he was the Heart, and the Heart can be left stranded in places that are unexpected at the best of times.

_I don’t mind_

Patton knew he would come back to himself soon. He would fully adjust to all the changes and his melancholy would let up a little bit. In the meantime, he felt as though he just needed to ride the waves of change so to speak, give himself some time to exist while he caught up with himself.

_I don’t mind_

The others would notice his change in disposition eventually, and hopefully they would be in a place where they could accept him. He knew he would always have plenty of love and acceptance for them, no matter how melancholy he became.

_I don’t mind_

Patton moved to go lie down in his bed. He didn’t mind that he felt the way he did and how much it differed from the way that he used to be. He wasn’t bothered by the negative emotions anymore. He was at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> One last thing. This song is the type of music Patton would have been listening to lately, just to provide some context.


End file.
